What have you done wrong? So, if there is a problem, it's possibly nothing to do with you. By depicting the hard world that awaits all slackers — homelessness, poverty, social exclusion — you hope to galvanise your teenager into action.
Suddenly my boy's a teenager
And indeed maybe she'll reward you by staring a bit at her computer screen. Then she'll Skype again. Why the relapse? Hasn't she taken in what you said?
The problem is, yes. As any hypnotist will tell you, you've planted a vivid image of failure in your teenager's mind, one to which her unconscious mind may become deeply attached. No, you're bandying about vague terms.
You really believe what they say about good degrees being "essential" to career success? Chew on this: John Major ruled the country on three O-levels; Richard Branson seems to be running the world on the same; Estelle Morris failed her A-levels to which failure she ascribes her subsequent determination to succeed.
Attitude matters more than where you went and what you got. Well, your teen's got plenty of attitude, right? He may well be "only interested in football". Would you accuse Sir Alex Ferguson of laziness? Labels also tend to set problems in stone; yet humans are capable of evolving. Yes, even teenagers.
The most you can say if you've noticed that Johnny hasn't done much revision is that you've noticed that Johnny hasn't done much revision. To an adult, a teenager's experiences may be laughable: to the teenager, they're real and often mysterious. Your job is to bridge that gap: why might your son be slamming doors?
What's behind your daughter's procrastination? And don't expect them to know. Perhaps you think you're acting responsibly by encouraging your teenager to notice how much better others are doing. But the best way to help is to stay in your own business. My life is hell daily. She upsets me every day. I cry all of the time. My husband is not really very helpful but he tries to be supportive to me.
I don't want to live with her anymore. I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown. I used to be a very happy and positive person. I now am isolated and depressed.
Teen violence at home
I don't know what to do. I feel I am seriously abused emotionally by her. I have been to counseling and am still going. Most of them agree she and I need to find a way go live together or I should maybe take a break. Am I wrong to move out and let my husband raise her for awhile? I don't like her and I feel terrible.
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What a horrible situation. I believe that your daughter needs to be fully evaluated by a skilled psychologist or psychiatrist. The behaviors that you discuss may indicate borderline personality disorder BPD or some other issue. Other children who struggle with BPD have similar anger and violence issues.
If it does, then you need to seek immediate psychological help for your daughter. Another clue that something is severely wrong is that she cannot maintain lasting friendships. So, the problem isn't just with you.
My Teenager Is Emotionally Abusive And I Want To Move Out | HuffPost Life
However, that doesn't mean your relationship with her is out of your control and you should abdicate your role as a mom and move out. You should try almost anything else before you leave the home, as this would almost definitely be experienced as betrayal and abandonment by your daughter, no matter how much she insists that she despises you. This is your child. I am of the opinion that until she hits adulthood, you owe it to her to be present in her life. You need to first accept, completely and fully, that this is how your daughter is.
Acceptance can be life changing. Then, you can see your possible paths more clearly. Family counseling is one option. Another is just taking the high road and loving your daughter as much as you can. Perhaps she will rise to the occasion if you treat her like you like her. Maybe then you'll really start to like her, genuinely. No matter what the cause of your dislike, your daughter understands that you don't like her and I believe there is no way that this could NOT make things worse.
Try to bond with your daughter. Take her to lunch or to a movie, if she'll go. Tell her stories from your own adolescence. Try and move past the horrible incident with the police, if at all possible. The fate of your relationship with your daughter depends on you accepting what happened and moving forward. Work with a therapist who specializes in adolescents, to figure out new and different ways of connecting with your daughter. Almost any change would be an improvement, after all. It is possible that your relationship with your daughter is activating issues from your own childhood.
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If you had any difficulty with your own parents, then your troubles with your daughter will be even more devastating, as your chance to "get it right" has been taken away. Conversely, if you idealized your own mom, you're going to have no basis from which to understand how your daughter may feel toward you. This too would be very difficult.