It is much more challenging to see beyond the illusory if temporarily comforting roles we are familiar with and resist the notion that we are carrying coals submitting to insult. Conscious awareness and a sensitivity to our emotions can help us to instead recognize how triggers have affected us and that is revolutionary in conferring agency The late John Lennon was right in his first version of "Revolution," when he said that people should "free their minds instead.
Interpretation, and the way we process our experiences are important. Reasoning and analyzing our situation bring clarity and focus. Realization through transformation then occurs.
To be honest, this is perfect. It is a great supplement to Pema Chodron's teachings.
Thank you for sharing! The wise man questions himself, the fool, others. People are lazy and it's easier to blame others than change yourself. Most of the time it is 'expectation' not met that upsets people. There is a direct correlation between expectation and disappointment, so zero expectation, zero disappointment. Second, shed that yoke of emotion.
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It will blind and bind you every time. I agree I've discovered over time that I have an instinctual response that looks for someone to blame, but usually it turns out it was my own fault. I think some level of expectations is very healthy. It is what keeps us from letting others abuse us And emotions are what make life worth living! How dreary the world would be without love, surprise, humor No, I would not want to live in a world without emotion.
A fool blames other people. A partially wise man himself. A truly wise man blames neither himself nor others. I can't remember who wrote the quote tho!! I may not be understanding this right, but in turning our attention on ourselves also means that we are imperfect, correct?
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I can agree with that to a degree, but when a person is blamed for something that they had absolutely no control over over and over again is defeating the purpose of trying to keep the relationship together, esp. The other thing also that has happened in my experience is that the blamer as you call them refuses to acknowledge they did anything wrong and behave as if nothing happened at all in the hours or days after.
This is cruel and unjustifiable behavior and the one being blamed SHOULD find the means to leave the one blaming in the relationship! Dear Rachael, I am sorry it was not clear for you in the article. Turning our attention on ourselves is NOT blaming ourselves or agreeing that we are also at fault. Looking inside is an act of great self-kindness and self-compassion, simply naming and making space for what we are experiencing as a result of the blamer's unkindness.
Cruel behavior is not acceptable no matter what and action needs to be taken. I send you strength and support. If you want to talk through the process more, you can always contact me for a Skype session or anything else. Warmest, Nancy nancycolier. What a tangled web we weave. There are plenty of situations where this will not be effective.
My wife and I are trying to work with the department of social services in New York State. We had an appointment with a landlord to look at housing. The landlord did not communicate well and did not show up. We were there on time and did our part. My wife and I both have health problems that are exacerbated by certain weather conditions.
We traveled over 40 miles round-trip for nothing. I told our caseworker today that we would not be pursuing that landlord any further and wasting our time and gas and impacting our health for no good reason. The caseworker made it out to be our fault for not wanting to pursue that landlord.
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The caseworker said it was our pride. That is not the case. The problem is that in society today there is a great capacity for business owners and so-called 'professional' people to do just as they please and have no accountability to anyone. A client or customer is expected to be on time and organized, but if the 'professional' is not it's not supposed to matter. This happens all the time every day. How many times has a doctor left you waiting for an hour or more when you were on time or early?
If you are unwilling to tolerate that kind of behavior is it a matter of your pride? It is simply a matter of expecting matters to be fair and even across the board for all. Because one person's time is just as valuable as another's. A high-paying occupation or a fancy title does not make an individual more 'worthy' than the average person on the street. The lack of understanding of that fact is one of the largest problems in this society and it's a snowball that leads to marginalization, demoralization, and worse things after that.
It's also worth mentioning that so many 'professional' people don't recognize that the problems and frustrations in their own personal lives seep into their business dealings and cause more problems because the end up taking out those frustrations on their clients. I just did a healing process related directly to this phenomena. I love what you've written because it solidifies the release and empowers the inward gaze. I comment because the process of healing for me this morning was powerful.
It's simple too. I wrote on my morning pages -- I got clear -- I connected with a higher power or spiritual source -- and I asked for healing and forgiveness. I'm not blaming -- myself anymore. I'm not interested in ripping through all issues of sibling conflict and blaming me and then continuing to try and find common ground. Every time, I get hurt again and deeper. This person has caused me so much pain -- and never has he ever uttered the words of apology.
I'm not blaming him for being cruel. If he wants to be kind, he can, but it's always followed by me forgetting that he hasn't changed. He is emotionally incapable of seeing how his behavior or his writing impacts others. He can be nice and loving one minute and then exude a kind of soul-crushing hatred that I just can't bear to put up with. Not any more. My motivation is to heal my heart, forgive myself, and forgive and release him. Every time. I can not live with the pain he inflicted.
I've nothing to feel ashamed of. My parents loved me and him. But they were spared the reality of his brutality. I chose to protect their image of him, and thus never showed them the emails he'd written. Emotional abuse is quite real and destructive. When gaslighting is included, it is crazy making. When the person doing it has manipulated the rest of the family forever and no one else believes it, one doesn't blame the abuser. They blame themselves. I'm done with that. My reason for writing is to acknowledge your process, Nancy.
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And also to add that healing can come also from tapping into our inner strength and inner wisdom, while we seek to forgive ourselves and committing to living in peace and happiness. That for me means acceptance as well as forgiveness. He won't change. Doesn't have to. Navy training films. Fred R. Shapiro , the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations , has shown that in the adage was called "Murphy's law" in a book by Anne Roe, quoting an unnamed physicist:.
In May ,  Anne Roe gives a transcript of an interview part of a Thematic Apperception Test , asking impressions on a photograph with Theoretical Physicist number 3: " The name "Murphy's law" was not immediately secure. A story by Lee Correy in the February issue of Astounding Science Fiction referred to "Reilly's law," which "states that in any scientific or engineering endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong".
It could be stated about like this: If anything bad can happen, it probably will. Nichols, a quality assurance manager with the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. John Paul Stapp. An excerpt from the letter reads:. The law's namesake was Capt. I assigned Murphy's law to the statement and the associated variations. According to Richard Dawkins , so-called laws like Murphy's law and Sod's law are nonsense because they require inanimate objects to have desires of their own, or else to react according to one's own desires. Dawkins points out that a certain class of events may occur all the time, but are only noticed when they become a nuisance.
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He gives as an example aircraft noise interfering with filming. Aircraft are in the sky all the time, but are only taken note of when they cause a problem. This is a form of confirmation bias whereby the investigator seeks out evidence to confirm his already formed ideas, but does not look for evidence that contradicts them.
Similarly, David Hand , emeritus professor of mathematics and senior research investigator at Imperial College London , points out that the law of truly large numbers should lead one to expect the kind of events predicted by Murphy's law to occur occasionally. Selection bias will ensure that those ones are remembered and the many times Murphy's law was not true are forgotten. There have been persistent references to Murphy's law associating it with the laws of thermodynamics from early on see the quotation from Anne Roe's book above.
Chatterjee found that Murphy's law so stated could be disproved using the principle of least action. From its initial public announcement, Murphy's law quickly spread to various technical cultures connected to aerospace engineering. Author Arthur Bloch has compiled a number of books full of corollaries to Murphy's law and variations thereof. The first of these was Murphy's law and other reasons why things go wrong! Yhprum's law , where the name is spelled backwards, is "anything that can go right, will go right" — the optimistic application of Murphy's law in reverse.
Peter Drucker , the management consultant, with a nod to Murphy, formulated "Drucker's Law" in dealing with complexity of management: "If one thing goes wrong, everything else will, and at the same time. Murphy's Law is a corollary of Murphy's Law. It states that things will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is away, as in this formulation:    .
She asks why she was named after something bad and her father describes the phenomenon saying "Murphy's law doesn't mean that something bad will happen. It means that whatever can happen will happen. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. For other uses, see Murphy's law disambiguation.
Not to be confused with Muphry's law. Retrieved Handscombe, Eann A. Murphy's law and other reasons why things go wrong! Management, Tasks, Responsibilities, and Practices , p. Shore , Mysteries of life and the universe , p. Murphy's Law , The Washington Post. Unintended consequences. Categories : Adages Risk. Hidden categories: Webarchive template wayback links. Namespaces Article Talk.
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