However, we still do not understand how big and how strong the internet can be, we use it with out learning how to. We dive head deep into an ocean that is filled with a wealth of information that more often than not scares us. This is when we end up sticking to what we know, and just to that, creating our thought bubble and keep it solidly in place. Because as humans, what are we more afraid than anything else, we are afraid of what we do not know. Saturday, 16 January Dreams. Dreams come,. Monday, 11 January Day by Day. Waking up in the morning, thinking of only one thing. Trying to find a reason to get out of bed.
Thinking, yea suicide that's a cool thing you could do, but you know it's not you, rather it's one small part of you which is dominant. By the time you get out of the house, you already had your first panic attack, you have already suppressed the urge to scream at your toothbrush and at the same time merrily skip while making your coffee. It's all normal for you, yet you know if someone saw you, and just asked what was happening? You would not know how to answer that.
You get to university, in a merry mood, listened to some nice music and managed to clear your mind. However, that lecturer is droning on, and it's all wrong, all of it the way he is speaking, the way she is writing, the way that person is sitting down. I promise I am not insane, but these are things that one notice when they become hyper aware. Controlling these mood swings, yea it's possible very easy in fact. It is simply understanding that this is just an irrational thought passing through your head.
Yet, you are scared, constantly scared of letting a little tiny bit of it outside, because the moment you get too comfortable, the moment you allow yourself to become open just enough to show those around you. I have had people stop talking to me, suggest I go see help, or simply take medicine, you freak of nature.
Well you want to know one thing, it's not easy, it's not easy keeping it all inside, it's not easy holding in your thoughts. Feeling that you cannot belong anywhere, lost and lonely in a crowd of friendly people. Putting on masks for people so they like you, only showing them what they want to see. This is where one person stops trusting others, this is where one person becomes scared of being who they are.
This is because who they are is scary to those around them. The closest friends, family to that person do not understand is that, it's hell a terrifying having someone else inside with you. Let us take it down a notch.
I am not alone, I am that one crazy enough to not care about what people think. I am strong enough to stare you back in the face and tell you hell, you think i'm crazy, you're right. I am not normal, hence I am labeled as crazy, I am unusual so I get stigma. I am struggling with depression, anxiety and mood swings. The story is told in second-person as fans of Bright Lights, Big City might suspect. Tim Underhill and Mike Poole explore a chamber dug beneath a hut in an abandoned village. Something bad happened here, something bad enough to keep the VC away.
Text lines the walls and ceiling of the chamber, old rust-coloured blood stains much of the floor and ominous-looking manacles hang limp. A chance meeting in an illegal bar reveals the horrific truth of the place. And so ends another monster review of Best New Horror. Thanks for getting this far. I hope you enjoyed it. They continue to publish new volumes of the series, however, with book twenty-nine yes, twenty-nine! A slightly tougher puzzle this time, which makes me think there could be a stinker coming over the busy Easter weekend!
This was a pretty good puzzle too, all told, with only one repeat of a recent solution to speak of GARB. Solution is UP i. Answer: GARB i. Solution is CEO i. Solution is OR i. Did a Google Image search — yup, looks like a bird. Solution is MOT i. Good for barbeques, then. Solution is IT i. Solution is RA i. I got the Alsace bit, but had to look up the rest. Solution is TUM i. Solution is TEND i. I often moan when musical terms are used as solutions as there are bloody thousands of the things, but, unusually, this was one I actually recognised. A bit of a stinker, this one. Answer: TUCK. Solution is EVER i.
Solution is RACE i. This was a solution that took considerably less time to get than the wordplay leading up to it! Solution is DUB i. Solution is ROB i. Solution is HA i. This was a solution I guessed right at the beginning and only sussed the wordplay towards the end. Anyway, the solution is RE i. Solution is DEFT i. Solution is RIGS i. Solution is COL i. Another easy puzzle this week, but also another with several clues I rather liked for their clever construction or how well they scanned. The only blot here is the re-emergence of several solutions from recent puzzles, including one that was essentially a direct copy.
Still, it makes you wonder. Before we get there, some distractions. Feel free to leave a comment. I actually groaned when I got this, but I have to admit this is a great clue. Solution is T i. Another good clue, this. Answer: FAWN. In the parlance of newspaper editors according to my Chambers, anyway , a rejected article is said to be spiked i. Not sure about this one, so watch out. Solution is LOP i. Solution is DEBT i. Answer: GREY. Solution is ROSE i. Another clue I rather liked. Solution is N and D i. Within the context of the clue, going on a bender is to drink to excess, in which case oblivion may well be achieved.
The beer monster in me approves. Solution is P i. Tis a silly place. Solution is TALE i. Seems a handy word for setters, as this solution also appeared back in January. Sound familiar? It should because a near carbon-copy of this clue also appeared a fortnight ago.
Mind-twisting horror, is it? I have just the thing…
My heart sank when I solved this first, as I thought we were in for another Greatest Hits puzzle. Solution is NIGH i. Another solution that has featured recently. Solution is THUS i. In the context of the clue, a bull would use their eye to see what they are going to charge towards. I rather liked the humour here. Well played. Solution is NAG i. Within the context of the clue, a nosebag may indeed contain oats for a horse.
Solution is OVER i. Solution is PARE i. In the context of the clue, a parenthesis does indeed immediately follow, being wrapped around the Another clue I liked. Another Greatest Hit, this solution only appearing last week! Solution is PUNY i. Another one that made me smile when I figured it out. Solution is PULE, which is to whimper or whine i. Though it perhaps sat on the easier end of the difficulty scale, there were a number of clues that scanned really well, and a handful that could be rather prescient in these uncertain times. As ever, a little housekeeping before we tuck in.
You can find a bunch of previous solutions on my Just For Fun page, if that appeals. Only twenty-six more to go! Solution is CELL as in a unit group, i. Solution is CUP i. Solution is MIND i. Solution is OK i. Wodehouse when I see this word. Still makes me laugh. Solution comprises S and C i. A good clue, this. Solution is CAN i.
Solution is CAT i. Solution is THRU i. Solution is F and S i. Solution is DIVE i. Solution is IE i. Within the context of the clue, you would rather hope the bathtubs in a spa were clean. Or tofu. Or whatever is deemed cleansing these days.
As you can see, the solution rather fits within the context of the clue. I liked this one a lot. Solution is POM i. This is then followed by PRO i. Solution is COPY i. Solution is PP i. Solution is KNO i. Within the context of the clue, a pagoda — an Eastern temple — may well be a quiet area holding a god. Another one I rather liked. Another good one. Solution is RAM i. Solution is PIT i. Within context of the clue, a gastropub could well be somewhere cooking top grub.
Solution is BIB i. Solution is AN then N i. My aching brain appreciates it!
You can see reviews of the first three books in my Reviews page, should you fancy a gander. Right then. Solution is JIG i. Answer: AFAR i. Answer: HAIL. A solution that appeared a few weeks ago. Solution is MOON i. Answer: TEEN i. Solution is GO i. Solution is RAG i. Answer: ANON i. Solution is OAT i. Solution is PA i. Solution riffs on how one involves fighting with pillows, which, of course, are a kind of cushion.
Another clue that featured in a recent puzzle. Answer: HIVE i. Solution is H and I i. I rather liked this clue. Solution is BAN i. Solution is IF i. Solution is LACE i. In the context of the solution, one might well be embarrassingly exposed having had their pants scared off — particularly if one has gone commando. Answer: BRAG i. Solution is GARB i. Answer: OMAN i. Solution is NAVE i. Solution is LAB i.
Marsha Gordon (Author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Beautiful Skin)
No, me neither. Solution is GATE i. Answer: PASS. And so to the solutions. LP Across clues 1. Being terribly sinful, ceded, having no-one else to blame? Like the writer existing with aspirations? Small statues said to be in old parts of Egypt? Character who may offer terms to residents? Aura surrounding Conservative, one knowing what will happen in future?
Gutted economist in action of castigating the abolition of gold standard? Novel performance of warder in prison show? Odour about troublemaker socialist oblivious to others? Down clues 1. Day when one meets fate, not insignificant! Bound to swallow untruths, most typical of a lass?
Spoil plans — for self-catering facility at Christmas? Suppress the employees or fail to take action?
So is spender suffering mental problems? Feel so rum, distraught after end of affair — and maybe this? Remover of spear carrier, short performer on stage? Right, here you go. I hope this helps! Tea during the present time? Ring about gunmen casing home, blow it! Main man eats one like some Glasgow chocolate bars?
Like artwork in Fifty Shades of Grey? Cloths in which to wrap up oily cheeses? Here you go. Being a good husband to Verity? Or less than faithful?
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Grass skirts so long? Sink to fill? Revealing plunger perhaps! Event in which twin mounts challenge? A hanky pictured when you hear this? Relish holding the k-keys? Down clues 2. Vintage Times brain teaser! Tail short for a dog 3 Answer: CUR i. Place to stay in Arnhem after November? It has been chopped and abbreviated but the message is always solid.
I didn't know which version that floated through my mind was the original, so I looked it up. None of them were. I was surprised it was written by Reinhold Niebuhr. I never get over the power of that prayer. World peace would descend upon Earth overnight if everyone could hold it in their minds for a few minutes and feel the depths of its meaning. It is easier to learn to surrender if you know, to what. Ram Dass makes it sound so easy. He can picture his spiritual teacher, the Maharaj-ji and peace descends. I am convinced we can all do this. All religions have some figure or essence that creates a path to surrender.
In Christianity it is Jesus.
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It is so awful to hold a little fear of the future in our mind that blocks the immersion of the present, where all love, joy and peace reside. The methods for staying in the present are simple, perhaps I should write a blog on the subject, I learn from repeated failure.
I have been sitting at my computer, sometimes asleep, struggling with what I should write about. I pretty much decided to say, no blog explain Wednesday, I changed my mind and decided to explain now. It is the malady. The doctor said I was down a whole gram of iron. We explored the possibilities. There was no evidence of internal bleeding. No evidence of infection. We didn't discuss vampires. He went over everything.
He said we could do some body scanning right now or add iron to my vitamin regimen and check back in a month. He suggested I take my iron with orange juice every Morning. The weakness that is expressed in my cardiovascular and neuromuscular systems are bad enough. It is my state of mind that is the worse problem. I am flooded with negative thoughts and fantasies. One would think they would be of my upcoming death or the possible return of my cancer, oh no it is garbage.
I sometimes worry about how I hurt somebodies feelings fifty years ago. Something that was resolved and I had forgiven myself for, I had a few of those. A few weeks ago I could close my eyes, empty my mind and seek a place where I could bask in the golden light of our Creators Mind. Oh, how I miss that. Most of the negativity rides on fantasies that enter my mind quietly. For some reason I don't catch them as I used too. I have relatively good moments when I am sitting comfortably in my chair and I am able to keep my mind clear. I have such an unshakeable belief that there are no accidents and every experience is for our learning and becoming closer to Oneness that I get some comfort.
I have great compassion for those who suffer with a problem like this, who feel only emptiness or futility when they seek a way out. I am glad I chose to write. It helps. I know I am surrounded by Unconditional Love. I have been slow all Morning mostly from this malady that has had me in its grip for these last few weeks, but also from the heat. We are not used to it, up here in Minnesota land, we had a very cool Spring so far.
Yesterday the heat roared in, I think our thermometer read 87F. It reads It may reach My favorite time of the year is when we can have the windows all open and we can enjoy the fresh breeze. We haven't had a chance to experiment in this house; which windows give the best ventilation, which can be left open at night etc.? I left a window open last Night in my study and it blew some stuff around, no big deal.