Neediness is the enemy of long-lasting desire an important component of romantic love , according to psychologist and Mating in Captivity author Esther Perel. Neediness and caretaking in long-term partnerships -- which can easily result from looking to the partnership for safety, security and stability -- damper the erotic spark, Perel explains. But if couples can maintain independence and witness each other participating in individual activities at which they're skilled, they can continue to see their partner in an ever-new light.
What is most interesting is that there is no neediness in desire.
The Fulfilled Woman
There is no caretaking in desire. So if you're looking to keep that spark going, give your partner the space to do what they're good at -- and make sure to take the opportunity to observe them in their element, when they are "radiant and confident," says Perel. Psychologists have found that a strong passion for life can help to sustain passion in a life-long romantic relationship.
The Stony Brook University study examining personality qualities that predicted long-term passionate love found that individuals who exhibit excitement for all that life has to offer are more likely to find success in their romantic partnerships. Whereas individuals used to be more likely to look to marriage for safety and security, the societal standard has shifted such that more men and women enter into marriage looking for self-actualization and personal fulfillment.
Such a marriage can be more satisfying for both partners, but requires each partner to invest more time and energy into the partnership for it to be successful.
Finkel, a professor of social psychology at Northwestern University wrote in a New York Times op-ed, describing this shift from companionate to self-expressive marriages. Rather than looking to marriage to serve our basic needs for survival and companionship, we're now seeing marriage as a vehicle for self-fulfillment. This new directive can help to facilitate long-term romantic love, so long as each partner is willing and able to put more of their resources into the relationship. Real Life.
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News Politics Entertainment Communities. HuffPost Personal Videos Horoscopes. They believe they will achieve success as a couple because of their individual success. In heterosexual relationships, men pitch in with housework more than they did in previous generations.
According to a Women in the Workplace survey from LeanIn. In two-career families, 41 percent of women report doing more child care , and 30 percent report doing more chores than their husband. With millennial couples, household chores are more evenly split, but women still do the bulk of the child care.
In therapy, angst over housework is palpable, said Jess Hopkins , a certified life coach who works with millennials in Los Angeles, California. Real Life. Real News. Real Voices. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard. News Politics Entertainment Communities. More Details Original Title. Other Editions 1. Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.
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Did anyone find this book to be a bit , erm, anti women? Seems that nothing a woman can do is right enough and that if you just let the man rule the roost like a cock of the walk, shut your mouth and smile, than all will be well. Is it just me?
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Slowspikes Actually, its beyond offensive and I am still seething at some of the contents in there. See 1 question about The Fulfilled Woman…. Lists with This Book.
The Psychology Of Loves That Last A Lifetime
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